Loss

Loss is a punch in the gut
You didn’t see it coming
But you felt it when it came
Gut wenching
Heart twisting
shock

numb
wait
wait wait
hold on
grasp your thoughts
but you can’t hold on because you’re spinning and twisting and turning over every motion in your head trying to find an adjective when all you can feel is overwhelmed shocked socked in the face with the news you couldn’t expect didn’t expect shouldn’t expect and suddenly there’s too much to feel too much needing to be said and







silence


silence


heavy

punctuated with gasps for air and surrounded by four corners too sharp like the ache in your head and dull pain that’s gripping your chest and you’re doing your best to not stop because you can’t stop and if you stop you’re going to drop into a dungeon of resentment and hate those who don’t suffer the way you do now the ones who can afford to clown around the way you did yesterday and

heavy
silence

it’s violent and it shakes you, the stakes are too high the word home will make you cry so no one can say the word home don’t say the word home are you going home tonight? NO
I am beyond control in the land of the complexly complicated redundant words will be hurled and will be thrown towards any listener because this is too complicated for adjectives how dare you describe my pain when it’s the main thing in my life and the pain makes my mind spin and my eyes water and throat gets tighter till I can’t breathe and then I’m just me and empty and sore and aching all over like a punch to the gut after being stuck in a blender I’m a fender bender emotional wreck and heck with this I don’t dismiss it but words- words will weigh on me and I will repeat this and I will repeat this and I will repeat this until the ton of brick falls with the news that I’m not done reacting too and I will wait and wait and fall with the gravity of my new reality till I’m six feet under with you, because only you would know what to do.